Ever since I met these two I've come to wonder how it'd be like if I happened to have a sister in this lifetime. Not that I didn't think about this before, of course I did, but seeing their bond has brought myself to brainstorm a bit about it more than usual lately.
Being an only child and comming from a family where everyone spends the evening in front of their inidividual computer/laptop, when I arrived here (and even nowadays) I was feeling completely off-beat. Not only by the reasons I've mentioned before, but also because I was never used to communicate properly at home. That added to my awkwardness, it's a priceless combination!
Then, Barbara lent me a book (actually, we made a Murakami exchange!), and I finished it tonight. I have to say, it's heavy in referrences about being an only child, having siblings, and what-not. It's hard not to feel touched by it. If I had to be honest, I'd say the parts talking about being an only child are the parts that made the biggest impact on me in the whole book, even though it is great as a whole (well duh, it's a Murakami - I lended "After Dark" and borrowed "South of the Border, West of the Sun", by the way).
I ended up thinking a lot about whether I'd be a warmer/more open person at home if I had a sister (younger or older, it's not important at all in this situation). Or if I'd be less spoiled or whimsical. If I'd know the house chores (you're reading something typed by someone who can't even peel an apple. Or cook instant food; if only you knew the embarrassment I felt because of a SHAMEFUL attempt to prepare an instant soup today at lunch...), if I'd be more responsible. If it'd have helped with the family issues back in the years, or if I had to console my sibling and have my sibling to console me in the toughest times at home. If I'd have someone to play or someone to fight with during my childhood. If I'd have taught her many things, and learned many things from her. And if we'd have a messed up relationship or have a wonderful bond just as these two.
There are too many unanswered answers, to which I already know I'll never have an answer. So why bother asking yourself "what if?". Yet no matter how much I think it's stupid, I always end up with these issues fluctuating back to my line of thought every now and then.
Could I have been happier having a sister or a brother? Maybe. Most people would bet the answer is "yes".
Am I unhappy NOW being an only child? Absolutely not. I have been when I was little, specially since I grew up with three older sisters until the age of 5 only to be forcefully taken away from that family to go live in ANOTHER GODDAMN COUNTRY with a couple of people whom I knew were my biological parents, but actually barely knew in comparison to the family who used to take care of me everyday; but I also feel that I am proud of having gone through tough stuff without depending on anyone and maturing early; it led me to being pretty happy with the person I am nowadays.
Was it a matter of luck/misfortune? I don't know. More like it was an unavoidable fate.
Would I change that if I had a chance? I can't answer you. I don't have the answer myself. The truth is, and we can't change it, I grew up with three older sisters up until the age of five, then lived on as an only child until today. I missed them terribly and I still do, but I ended up turning just fine, didn't I?
At least I'd like to think I did. :)
