26th December 2012

I hope everyone had a marvelous Christmas surrounded of beloved people! ~

Currently spending the afternoon re-watching for the 8347238462384628736428734th time a bunch of vocaloid dance covers/utaite videos, of course not without watching another full anime mini-series and a full 12-episodes-long J-dorama in the past few days. Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun and Nobuta wo Produce, to the curious minds! LOVED BOTH VERY MUCH! ;A;

... I promise I'll start studying soon. Like, after tomorrow. Tomorrow we're going out and bawling over more otaku/wota stuff. BUT YOU HAVE MY WORD! ... Making a break between the 29th and the 2nd for New Year since I won't even be at home, though. =w= ~

Just passing by to state the obvious to all of the new readers: I'm making the usual holiday break in order to rest, focus on studying and, of course, now that I have time to be frequenting our communities and games again to be with you, I guess updating the blog during holidays is slightly unneeded. :3

Don't worry, to those who asked, of course it will go back to being active as soon as I get back to the capital! <3

Answering another question repeatedly PM'ed, I am going to spend New Year's Eve at the beach with the Aion group of friends. Hopefully it won't rain, I want tons of bonfire stuff and fireworks! Wouldn't be NYEve without it ;w; ~

Have loads of fun and see you here in January! ~

20th December 2012

Part of today's productivity. And this is not even half of it!

Good grief, I love lucky stars.

20th December 2012

OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER NO MORE STUDYING (until Monday)

These three months went over so quickly. This is scary. Time is scary.
BUT THEY WERE SO GREAT ;________; Life's so good. It's been a rollecoaster of emotions and experiences ever since I put my feet here. Even my own health put a crazy challenge on me.

NOW I'm going to forget college for a whole week-end and spend the afternoon making loads of lucky stars and listening to loud AKB music or watching anime or something along these lines. I'd even play Aion if the internet signal here was decent, but I can't have everything perfect TwT

RAGOOGA, EVERYONE ~

19th December 2012

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS

Overflow of class meetings and dinners. I'm so happy.

This saturday, high school class dinner and night out around downtown.

Then, Christmas dinner and night out with my absolutely perfect French class.

AND NOW I JUST MET MY CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND WE'RE HAVING EMOTIONAL MOMENTS OVER OUR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DAYS AND TALKING ABOUT PLANNING A MEETING SOON WITH ALL THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSMATES.

Patrick and João Carlos, another bunch of good friends from elementary school, came across me in the mall last week and we also thought about a meeting with the old bunch someday.

BUT NOW WE'RE SURE THAT THIS THING *MUST* HAPPEN.

I'm so excited and I should seriously concentrate in studying for tomorrow's test. BUT. GUYS.

THIS IS THE GREATEST.

... I'm totally flunking that test, am not I? TwT

19th December 2012

OH MY GOD I managed to sleep six hours. I'm so done, I reached the point where sleeping six hours makes me feel fresh and happy and is a miracle worth to be celebrated. One year ago that'd mean I'd sleep through the first two classes AND that's if I didn't skip them. COLLEGE, EVERYONE!

Barbara liked the hairpin! We exchanged half a dozen of somewhat serious-toned text messages (I was already in bed and she was studying, thus the text messages) concerning what's been happening lately and it was quite a reassuring thing to do. We are very different and rationalise things very differently despite having a handful of common interests. And relationships need time and answers to work well :3 in the end, everything is going great! Figuring how Flavia works and thinks was much easier than her, and that's perhaps why we get along much better and talk much more? Also we were roommates, yes, but still. They're both very dear friends to me and, on its own way, both of us will end up growing a good friendship between us as well, with time. ^_^

Today I got to know better a classmate from French classes. She's called Sonia. Like most of them (and that's the charm of that class! Though I feel like a child or a little pet in the middle of them, rofl), she's considerably older than me and already has three kids. We came the way home together after having coffee and talked a lot about our past, our dreams and interests, our general lives. She's a real sweetheart! ;w; I like her way of thinking and perceiving. Also she motivated me quite much about several things. I'm super glad we got to hang out today! <3

After relaxing a bit, I'm off to more goddamned studying hours until the 4PM class. This week is full work non-stop! Ganbarimashou ~

18th December 2012

AAAAAH TIRED BLACK EYE CIRCLES, HERE'S MY MAKEUPLESS PANDA COSPLAY EVERYONE *joke* But I feel SO MUCH better even though I only slept like four miserable hours. Because the previous night I had slept ONE friggin' hour, and that's maybe stretching it a bit too much already XDD

Today I brought my adorable classmate Catarina up to my room. Since we share the same interests in japan, anime, games and what-else, she really identified herself with my shelves and my laptop lmao. Then we went for a walk and talked more about how we'd NEVER EVER study at all if we ever were to be roommates. We'd spend the whole afternoon playing Bread Kittens and Sushi Cat and discussing cosplay for the next convention, and rofl'ing over LOLcats (yes, I know you already understood that we both love cats) and then pull all-nighters watching a whole season of some random anime.

Mentioning rommates, just a while ago I got to talk to my former roommate Flavia (she's got her own individual room now, lucky little mischievous thing!!) on the phone. She's already back to Leiria for the holidays. This feels so lonely being all by myself again in this room!

But we decided it was for the best. We'd never be able to fully concentrate in our studies while always being chatting like we were and college is serious business!

Delivered Barbara's hairpin with a little letter since she's been so busy with her studies. Will tell you guys later if she liked it or not!

And now, it's MY turn to go for intense studying hours! Wish me luck ~

17th December 2012

I'm so sorry for not saying anything over the last week, but I stayed at my grandmother's with a really bad case of gastroentritis and there's NO internet there at all!

(I was actually very moved by the number of people who kept texting me asking for news about my health and saying that my absence was felt, I have really wonderful friends ;w;)

I still haven't fully recovered, but I'm back at the capital since I have a week full of evaluations plus there's a pretty damn important piece of work to deliver.

A bit (A LOT!!!!) nervous because since that week off was obviously not expected, I didn't bring any school material home, thinking I'd spend the full weekend working hard on my Linguistic Politics' final project, so all I needed was a laptop and a really good internet conexion.

I ENDED UP MISSING A WEEK OF CLASSES AND SPENDING A WEEK WITHOUT DOING BATSHIT FOR COLLEGE. WELP.

This final week is at FULL FORCE!! Let's work hard!!!

P.S.: I know I already said I have the greatest french teacher ever BUT PLEASE LET ME SAY IT AGAIN because she just gave me a ride home this morning when she saw I still hadn't recovered and was also SERIOUSLY worried about me. How many would be lucky enough for that?! Okay going to classes now, see you ~

7th December 2012

Good evening ~

So we went to have dinner at the mall after all. Just came back, already on my pajamas, giving you guys one last update because I bought a hairpin for Barbara since one of hers got broken.

We were just doing the usual christmas window shopping and then this little fella kind of brought my attention (maybe because it's reddish?) and the butterflies immediately reminded me about her broken hairpin that I found on Monday - since it's more or less the same style of hairpin the one she lost was, I told myself "why not? for Christmas". Since we haven't talked as much as before (you probably know that I have been wondering myself if she misinterpreted my warmth towards her and that might be related to her becomming colder lately, but I dislike overthinking about unclear problems, because it could very well be something else not related to me at all), as a little reminder that it's not because we talk less that I respect her any less. I do clearly consider her a potential dear friend of mine, even though it's only been a few months ever since we met, so it obviously bugs me to see her in a down'ish mood lately. None of us really is the kind of person really into buying gifts like that, but I oppened an exception for this hairpin because I totally found it adorable and think it'd totally look great on her. With a little luck, it will bring a cheerful smile back on her face again?

What do you guys think? It's really cute, isn't it? ~

Hopefully she'll think so too :3

I'm going to lend my laptop to Mariana now so that she doesn't have to turn on hers, so I bid you all goodnight <3

7th December 2012

WHAT'S WITH THE LINGUISTIC POLITICS TEACHER AND HER ENDLESS SCHEDULES FULL OF LECTURES AND PRESENTATIONS GIVEN IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES, we spent two hours making funny faces at the whole thing because everything was written and said in Italian and most of us were like "...wat?" all the time.

Back at home now. Aaaah, good ol' black coffee ~

What would it become of me without my daily dose of coffee?

I'm getting ready to pack my luggage and depart to Leiria for the weekend. Next week I'm staying here at the capital for the weekend since I'm sleeping at a classmate's house. I'll make sure to double-enjoy it at my hometown this time!

So, for a change, somehow (and to add to this week's weirdness) Mariana's mom allowed her NOT only to have dinner with me, but also said that I could sleep over since my dad would probably come back from work around 4AM. AND she allows us to sleep in the same room, WHAT IS THIS SORCERY.

I should get hurried up drinking the coffee, packing my last things and cleaning quickly so that I can depart before 4PM.

See you later! ~ (will probably update the blog once again today since most likely I'll bring my laptop over to her place)

6th December 2012

Time sure flies fast! The first week of December is ending already. Ahhhh, I don't want the first semester to end ~

ANYWAY today I went downtown again with Miguel. YES with this crapstatic awful weather, but it was STILL very much worth it since we rarely can see each other ;w;

We went to Starbucks. Believe it or not, it was the very first time I ever went there. Not too bad!

(have a me with very creepy eyes,  I had three times coffee today - well two and half, SB coffee doesn't really count x_e' - and I'm still struggling to stay awake BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO. Also it says "Alice" because that's pretty much what I say when I need to unimportantly give my name to people who probably will have a hard time figuring how to spell "Mélanie".)

On my way home, while I was waiting at the subway line, a family of tourists gave me some chocolate and told me "Merry Christmas ~". Then I realized I didn't see them doing that to anyone else over there LOL. Thank you, kind of? They were adorable, though, with santa hats and huge scarves.

Also, I brought some choco cake again for Flavia and Barbara as a "Ganbatte kudasai~" gift. They're doing their very best in order to have great grades in the finals, so I really wanted to give them something. I feel kinda bad that Barbara's sis can't have chocolate. Nonetheless, I did think of bringing something along for her too, but pretty much everything over there had chocolate except for a tiny bit of almond cake that a customer showed interest in, so I gave up this time.

This week was weeeeeeeeird. IN A GOOD WAY except for what we all know about, though, so no need to worry :3

ALSO TO ADD TO THE WEIRDNESS I JUST CALLED MARIANA AND HER MOTHER ALLOWED ME TO SLEEP OVER AT THEIR PLACE TOMORROW? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING, A LAST GOOD DEED BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD?!

I'm scared to go now. D:

Oyasumi ~

4th December 2012

I just wanted to say that I HAVE ...

THE GREATEST ROOMMATE,
(saw that I was kinda depressed last night and didn't stop nagging me until I told her - she has that mad guessing power meaning she already knew what it was about, though - and until I went to sleep with a smile. We made tons of plans for the future and ended up with a pinky promise looking like two elementary school kids, but she's the GREATEST)

THE GREATEST CLASSMATES,
(Lili who always ends up making me laugh out loud over VERY stupid stuff in the middle of the friggin' class, Catarina who totally shares my anime passion and listens to me going wota over a Miyazawa Sae look-a-like girl on one of our classes, Joao who listened to me yesterday when I was down, and Joanna who saves my butt from really ridiculous situations and HAS FREAKIN' CARAMBARS BECAUSE GUYS YOU DON'T FIND THAT STUFF ANYWHERE IN PORTUGAL AND SHE HAD CARAMBARS, GUYS)

THE GREATEST TEACHERS,
(mainly the French one who is dedicating a LOT of her patience and time to help me getting over a very very stupid problem concerning next semester's schedule so that I don't end up unfairly paying over 73€ for a mistake that someone else made - which is what happens to almost all students in my situation)

Seriously guys, it's something out of this world, my mood in the capital: I go from "good grief I don't want to get out of the bed if that means interacting with people" to "ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND ME ARE SO GREAT, GUYS" (which is probably the one I am at right now =w= ~), only to go back to "Just fucking leave me rot alone in a corner away, I loathe human beings" and then "I'M SO BLESSED AND LUCKY AND OH GOD ALL THE NAMIDAS", yadayadayadayada ...

Basically my mood before comming here was like this:

And here in Lisbon, now it kinda goes more like this:

IS THIS WHAT BEING BIPOLAR FEELS?
(bad joke is bad)

3rd December 2012

(off-topic) I feel like throwing the dorms' $#%€$%#$&#!% internet router out of the window some days. Today is one of these days. (end of off-topic)

My first time drinking a cereal yoghurt.

I'm making so many funny faces while drinking it, it's not even funny. Fine, it's probably hilarious to pretty much anyone who'd see me right now.

Okay I can't even finish it. Sorry, this flavor is really not for me!

(this was a *failed* attempt at finding a liquid yoghurt flavor close to the sugar flavor T^T ganbarimashou for the next attempt ~)

Also guys! Today's the Christmas party here at the dorms!
AAAAAH can't wait ~

OH GOD I was almost forgetting:

So, this weekend I FINALLY managed to gather enough guts to take my little nose stud off. I'm still a little sad, but I figured it was about time to do it. Most of you know I was already considering taking it off since last year already, I just never managed to find the emotional courage to take it away since I ended up endearing it a lot since it had a special little meaning (NO, it was not "'dat rebel phase", mind you and your unfunny jokes >w>). Not used to see my nose without it at all.

It's been three days and I'm still not used! I used to play around with that nose stud all day long, mainly when I was nervous. Something inside me is gnawing down to my bones, begging for me to try putting it back on my nose, BUT NO. I knew I wouldn't have it forever. It was time ;w;

I'll miss you, precious little nose stud... ~

1st December 2012

Aaaah ~ hisashiburi!

I guess when I'm back home, I revert to my otaku/wota/gamer self. No matter how "normal" college makes me look on the outside, I'll probably never get rid of my slightly-hikikomori habits? TwT fluffy tons of pillows and warm blankets with my laptop and delicious snacks, re-watching anime that bring memories from past holidays, bawling over cute idols or running around doing and saying stupid stuff in MMOs, all while chatting along with good buddies until 5AM on Skype; I can't say I didn't miss these times at all, no matter how much fun I'm having in Lisbon ;^;

I think it's healthy, though ~ social life and then a little bit of physical solitude to temporarily logout from the massive rollercoaster that is my life in the capital. Balance, balance! I should probably embrace this little lonewolf'ish side of mine as a way to recharge batteries, don't you agree?

Because in the end, a person who wants to truely connect with me, has to accept the fact that no matter how much interest I have in classical music, litterature and travelling/foreign languages, I also embrace anime, japanese idols and MMORPGs as part of my deepest interests as well, right? Specially given that the later bunch and the wonderful people I've befriended through these common interests have helped me growing up to become the person I am today and surpassing a handful of very challenging moments in the past. And one should never disregard such a thing! ;A;

People who love me despite my off-beat habits and interests, thank you for remaining by my side for all these years ~ <3

Hopefully my new friends from over there will come to connect with me in the same way ;w; ~

I'm off to watching a couple more episodes of Kuragehime and then I should go sleep. Oyasuminasai everyone! ~

29th November 2012

... I have the feeling that something happened, or something changed.

And I have no idea what it is ;_; but it's gnawing down deep to my bones and I'm feeling really unrested.

Perhaps I shouldn't have felt so happy in the past weeks, I guess it's only natural to feel a downfall when you realize the place you live at is is actually not the little heaven nest you thought it was.

28th November 2012

Aaaaah, headacheee TwT I think I caught a cold ;_; hopefully it'll go away quickly, I've been exhausted for the whole day long. Right after the 8AM class I came back home and went to sleep until 2PM =w= ~

WE'RE ALL SICK HERE, ANYWAY LOL

On a brighter side, guys, the moon is REALLY BIG AND BEAUTIFUL tonight ;A;

27th November 2012

Can't believe THAT I'M GOING NUTS because I can't figure out a good conclusion for my essay.

A DAMN. WRITTEN CONCLUSION. IS MAKING ME GO CRAZY.

... Why do I bother so much about a friggin' godamn conclusion?

(PERHAPS BECAUSE I HAD A "DFJHBSJFGDSFGSDHFSD"ING 15/20 IN FRENCH AND THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO DELIVER HALFASSED STUFF FOR EVALUATION FROM NOW ON)

(not that college is hard. I'm just the BIG OL' lazy procrastinator that you all know TwT)

26th November 2012

You guys should seriously see the adorable sibling moments that these two sisters living here have, good grief. It looks like something comming out of a book, and one of the most goddamn cute books you could imagine. Free sentimental mini-movie session for me and for Flavia (we're both only-daughters) half an hour ago!

They'd make envy surge out of the depths of even the proudest only-child in the whole world! ~

26th November 2012

I'm facepalming a little bit, given that I said I wouldn't stay up until late hours when I have classes at 8AM in the next morning... Might as well take that back =w=

WELL OKAY THIS TIME IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. I WASN'T SLEEPY AT ALL, OKAY? D:

No, but I'm going to tell you why I enjoyed last night quite a lot.

Barbara made me listen to a CD of violin adagios and I totally fell in love with it. Specially a couple of them which she specifically said she was very fond of; and I couldn't agree more with everything she said!

We talked about a ton of random stuff which will probably stay in my thoughts for a good while. But then there's this part of the conversation that I have to mention here:

We talked about to what extent the saying "mankind wants what it doesn't/can't have" would apply to our lives, followed by her agreeing with me when I said that, then, I have a passion for classical music because of my hearing loss and the same happens with foreign languages because I will never be able to properly pronounce everything correctly in any language. Isn't that kind of a very sad way to think about these things? I never thought about that. I was shocked!

At a certain point I was so moved by a specific violin excerpt that I closed my eyes; she thought I was falling asleep but actually I was trying hard not to get my eyes too watery due to the overflowing emotions. Here's your beloved crybaby, everyone! TwT ~

It kinda frustrates me that I never managed to get over my hearing loss when it concerns music, no matter how much I wished for it ever since I was very small. You *can* enjoy a lot out of listening to a beautiful piece of music, but nothing compares to the feeling you get when you are CREATING, REPRODUCING, a beautiful piece of music. I knew that long before she confirmed it yesterday.

Well, we ended up listening to music up until 2AM. Then I went back to my room, but my lack of sleep made me stay awake until past 4AM which means I obviously skipped the first class - DON'T hit me, it was kinda useless! ._.

And now I'm rummaging through youtube videos to see if I find a version close to the one in that CD that I absolutely adored. I can already see myself in the next weekend running to the closest FNAC store to buy it!

See you ~

24th November 2012

Well, since I'm gonna have a relaxed week, I wanted to take the day off to shut the word "COLLEGE" out of my brain for once ever since September.

... Ends up I ended up tearing over Disney movies TwT

I need to watch them all over again when I have time ;A; you seriously perceive things differently than when you used to watch them over and over when you're little. Bambi's mom and Mufasa's death are classic tearjerkers, BUT what about Trusty in Lady and the Tramp, the depth in Mulan's story, and basically every moment in The Fox and the Hound, same with Treasure Planet aaaaaand I'm not going to talk about all of them who make me go into crybaby mode or we'd never get out of here ~ *hides* not to mention the non-Disney cartoons oh god you're so oblivious to sentimental stuff when you're a kid.

At least I know I was T^T

Tissues anyone...?

24th November 2012

Went to the dentist to take care of a little cavity. That's what I get for eating too much  candy at night!

Can't feel half of my mouth, sheesh TwT currently talking funny and can't chew on the right side - right on McDonald's weekly day! ._.

(to those who didn't use to follow my previous blog, I always go to MacD's with my dad on weekends. It's a veeeeeeeeery old tradition which we didn't gave up on even when I'm living in Lisbon  ~)

22nd November 2012

Aaaah, I'm happy!!

First time since I cut my hair super-short that I can tie it up in a neat bun!

It's taking a good while to grow back. I loved to have it short, it's a whole new feeling, but I admit I really miss being able to have fun messing around with my hair.

Also I don't have to rely in headbands to keep it away from my face during studying/drawing time anymore!!

Still am a little dependent when it comes to hairpins, have to stick half a dozen of them around so that the hair stays on its place, but it'll gradually grow back. ^_^ Can't wait to have it around the bottom of my backs again ~ I used to love my huge, messy hairbuns!

22nd November 2012

Aaaah~ I'm such a anti-social bear in its little cave TwT ~

I want to go out a bit too ~

Everyone fly to Lisbon and let's throw a bonfire party and eat lots of marshmallows, okay? ~

21st November 2012

It's such a heartwarming thing to see that I have two firey, intense, honest roommates.

So much that I feel totally weak-minded and naive sometimes. This is one of these times. Where I remember the times when I would be the first one to impose a loud and straight shout, but only feel like crying now.

How I wish I could do something for them... I hope my spirit will gradually come back. Just make it soon! ;A; ~

21st November 2012

Quite the great day! ^_^

First of all, I received really sweet news ~ so I feel quite cheerful today ;w;

The french presentation went REALLY REALLY well. I heard a big chain of compliments and I won't deny that it was very fulfilling since we put a lot of heart on it and it was much more of a spontaneous debate rather than a scripted presentation.

Then I took a lost english tourist to the subway station, and then managed to, uh, sleep until 2PM TwT

The second presentation also went well. It was not as amazing as the first one, but it was quite good as well.

Then I came home and... Slept again?

Now we're off to our usual studying evening :3 Also guess what? I'M SLEEPY! ~

Ganbarimasu ~ <3

20th November 2012

;________; So I slept really awfully last night and didn't even hear my alarm. I missed this morning's classes.  Aaah, this is irritating, I don't like it that I've missed so many classes halfheartedly like this. Hopefully nothing too important was taught today. TwT

I'm going to call my classmates to know what I've missed and after that I'm going to study hard until 5PM - then it's work group time!

Ganbare, ganbare! ~

19th November 2012

I've come to realize one thing recently:

It's genuinely true that I've been feeling "out-of-this-world" happy lately, specially given that I've started to develop real friendships with some people here in Lisbon, also that I've been taken care of VERY well both at home and at college, and that I've had a massive luck so far.

YET. I still don't feel like myself. I still feel very much out of place. Off-beat from everything. I don't know, I can't really type it down like that. I lack words to describe it.

I mean, something is missing.

I don't question my friendships on it, because I've met very dear people in college and here at home I'd feel lost and maybe even slightly depressed without my two roommates - though they get along with each other better than I do with each of them I think (normal, given how I don't feel like myself in the capital yet. Gradually getting there someday?), there's still an honest connection and I feel very safe and at home near them. I feel I'm going to be okay with them near me in the following years, perhaps we'd even develop a great friendship? BUT I still feel something is lacking IN ME to allow that.

The same about my college success. I've been doing quite good, I've been putting a nice effort (though I feel awful when realizing I don't work even half of what other people in this house work...), but something is lacking. I enjoy classes, I enjoy working on them, I enjoy everything. BUT there's an empty hole in the middle of all that enjoyment and I fail to realize what it is.

So, lately I've been happy, yes, but sliiightly frustrated and worried inside for now knowing what this is all about? I can't help it, it's the first time in a LONG, LONG time that I feel out of myself and this time I don't even know why. Homesickness, from being far from Leiria and everyone? It has been suggested a lot but somehow I don't really think that's all.

Obviously I'm not stopping myself from enjoying the most I can from all the wonderful moments that I've been experiencing here, so no worries :3 I'm sure the answer will come someday soon. Until then, let's work hard! ~ <3

I should go take a shower and then we're studying for the rest of the evening as usual.

Oyasuminasai ~

19th November 2012

Call it luck, misfortune, fate, destiny, coincidences, whatever you want,

But I supposedly had two important oral presentations today - one of them perhaps THE most important one of the semester.

Ends up that they were both postponed LOL. First one, where we're expected to talk for over 30 minutes, was postponed because the first group (we're second) took over 1 hour to get around that oldassed computer trolling attempts. Mediaplayer didn't work, the sound neither, also it took ages to reboot, yadayadayada.

Then the second class was simply cancelled. 8D this one was sorta fortunate because we kind of felt we didn't prepare well enough for it. CHAAANCE!

And now I'm sitting right here, listening to good music and eating one of the sweetest tangerines I've ever had in a while.

Life's so good when you embrace the little things. <3

(still not happy about having to wake up everyday at 7AM minus on Fridays, though. Can't have everything purrfect!)

18th November 2012

Forgot to tell you, it's been some weeks already:

Glasses problem is partially SOLVED!

(please disregard the awful webcam quality, as usual...)

Well these are not exactly correcting glasses, but more like my old resting glasses. They control the light your eyes receives, so it's good for laptops, reading and watching TV. Much better than nothing! <3

18th November 2012

Gotta love my mom's logic.

Friday I arrived home and told her I should bring less SUGARY stuff (as in, more healthy stuff?) to eat from now on to the capital because Barbara and Flavia kinda love to lecture me about my SUPER HYPER HEALTHY diet. Like, I have most of my drawers full with sweet crepes, cookies, milkbread, chocolate bars, kinders, lollipops, milka chocolate stuff, chocolate cereals - yadayadayadayada. You guys get the point.

So today when I unpacked my luggage (my mom usually puts the food on Sunday morning while everything else is packed and I'm usually sleeping when she does it), I kinda made a funny face when I noticed that she reduced A BIT in the sugary stuff, only to add SALTY stuff everywhere.

I love my mom, LOL. But okay, I brought tangerines, homemade food and lasagna which counts like healthy food I guess?

This is this week's stock:

And a lot of stuff is still missing!!

Since we're talking about food - it's dinner time! See you ~

16th November 2012

How do you like the blog's new template? :3

I recycled my older template and gave up on the new one's coding. Sorry to you guys who liked that one more! But this one at least is readable in everyone's laptop. Priorities, priorities! ~

Getting ready for Monday's big presentation ^_^ wish me luck!

14th November 2012

... Please tell me grocery stores are open before 8AM?

Or I'm going to be roasted by my veterans tomorrow ;_;

14th November 2012

STRIKE DAY!!

Classless day ~ staying at bed until lunchtime ~ lazying all day long ~
All of this just cames with a perfect timing, considering I can barely climb the stairways up after yesterday's freshman trial with the college veterans!

13th November 2012

Further proof that I'm regarded like a little pet rather than a college girl TwT the veterans in today's super tough trial, said that my absence was totally justified and that I shouldn't worry about it at all and should give my best and that's it - all while I've seen a guy who said he could barely walk to be forced to come and do everything we did today (which was very physically exhausting, loads of running, strenght exercises, and what not - ALL WHILE WEARING BOXERS WITH NOTHING UNDER - well, shorts and underwear were allowed lol - WITH THIS COLD WEATHER. Lots of coughing and sneezing!! We'll all be running a fever tomorrow, how much do you wanna bet on it?).

I can barely feel my legs after all of this. I need a long, warm shower T^T ~

11th November 2012

Martinmas is today!!

So we ate chestnuts for dessert after dinner. I was happily peeling some chestnuts for Barbara after dinner, only to discover she's only comming tomorrow ;_;

I'm gonna be all by myself tonight! It's been a while, I feel lonely ~

Perhaps I'll go sleep sooner?

Good night, everyone <3

10th November 2012

I went Christmas shopping ~

Bought some presents to some friends who I'm used to exchange gifts with annually. It was a good harvest! :3

Also bought a pair of shirts, gloves, a woolen scarf and a berret for me. I was needing these shirts for a while and the gloves as well as a thicker scarf would come in handy in colder days.

Until a while ago I was rehearsing a christmas song for the christmas party which is due in more or less a month from now? I'll probably start doing that every weekend until then.

Food time now ~ Oyasuminasai!

9th November 2012

On my way to Leiria. Got a text message from Barbara:

"Just wanted to warn you that it's raining in a really creepy way and kinda unseen in Portugal here"

And then I procceed to see pictures of my hometown flooding in social networks.

Followed by my mom telling me she was hearing thunders. THIS WAS THE LAST STRAW.

HELP ME.

BUSDRIVER PLEASE GO BACK TO LISBON, I BLOODY HATE THUNDERS AND STORMS.
;_________________;

Arriving closer to my hometown now... The sky is all pukey-yellow and grey'ish. It has a really scary colour.

GO HOME WEATHER, YOU'RE DRUNK.

SPARE ME FROM THIS, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP D:

9th November 2012

No. JUST. NO.

WHY on Earth would you give a whole lecture in Catalan to a multilingual class where some of them can't even grasp Portuguese correctly?!

... Well that was one wasted morning for most of the class. D:

8th November 2012

Well that was some way to finish one hell of a day =w= ~

It was a very full day today overall. I even forgot to tell you that Barbara came here sooner to vent a bit about some stuff (which I obviously won't develop here, it's just to say that we kinda felt happy to see that she would trust us in this kind of things ;w; we're right here with you, sweetheart! Be strong!)

ANYWAY back to what happened a while back...

After dinner, Flavia had a sudden desire of eating a palmier. A friggin' palmier. You ALL know what a palmier is, right? Good. Everyone should know what it is.

So we went outside (at these absurd hours, hoping - god knows how - to find some place open which would sell palmiers) and walked down the commercial street behind our building.

No palmiers to be seen. What would you expect after 10PM anyway...?

So we saw a general shop open. They were kinda arguing whether it would sell palmiers?

"Maybe they do..?" "No, most likely they don't" "What if..." "Nah, unlikely"

So I sort of dashed inside the store and asked out loud if they sold palmiers or knew a place open at this hour where they would sell them.

... 5 seconds of utter silence. Which were then broken by these two idiots' massive laugher outside the building who even ran away to another street. And these dudes insides... After asking me where I am from (because of my accent), well they had no idea what a palmier is, so I figured they wouldn't be selling these and went away to the encounter of my two roommates further in the streets laughing like two maniacs. T_____T

BUT I MEAN, HOW DO YOU MANAGE A FOOD STORE AND DON'T KNOW WHAT A PALMIER IS.

The worst is when they came behind me talking to me in French (told them I was French...). I was dumbfound.

I MEAN,

NOT ONLY YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A PALMIER IS.
AND YOU TELL ME YOU'RE FRENCH.
PALMIERS ARE COMMON FRENCH PASTRY.
HOW DO YOU EVEN EXIST.

... So I spent several minutes trying to explain them what a damn palmier was. While Flavia and Barbara were still soundly laughing behind me. But no results. I gave up and we finally went away.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT TWO FOOD STORE FRENCH OWNERS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT A PALMIER IS, THIS ISN'T FUNNY, THIS IS FRUSTRATING T_T

After a while I finally managed to find a place where they'd sell them so at the end of the night we were all happy.

Barbara had the best laugh of her time ever since she arrived in the capital.
Flavia got her dear palmier.
And I... Well I got a story which I'll probably hear about again in my wedding's speeches or something. Because these two were visibly laughing WAY too much over all of it (god knows why... I must have missed the whole point, rofl) to forget it just like that.

Kidding. :3
I got two amazing little human beings as friends. TRAUMATISING little human beings, but very dear and amazing. <3

NOW I'm dashing downstairs to get that chocolate cake ready for them! See you ~

8th November 2012

.... I think those Maths exercises just made Flavia's brain implode? She's gone nuts. Like, legitly nuts.

A little help needed hereeeee ~ TwT

Hopefully dinner will bring her sanity back, rofl.

8th November 2012

Just got home after spending the afternoon with a friend I didn't see for a long time! I mentioned him a couple of times in my  older blog, he's called Miguel. He used to hang out with me and my usual highschool group of buddies - for older readers, that means that really traumatizing group from the footwalk from Capuchos to Pousos on that goddamned raining night. TwT

THIS MEANS THAT I WENT DOWNTOWN AGAIN!!!

We didn't see half of the stuff I saw previously with Barbara, but it was still a very sweet stroll. We took tons of pictures!

Then he took me to some sort of HEAVENLY pastry boutique where I was given a HUGEASSED piece of chocolate cake that I couldn't finish no matter how much he wanted me to try finishing it. So I brought a bit of it home for Barbara and Flavia ^_^

Here's a picture of it. It was even more delicious than it appears!!

They'll eat it later in the night as a studying reward ~

5th November 2012

I'm seriously nervous because I'm having Human Language evaluations tomorrow and my teacher

DOES
NOT
KNOW
WHAT
SHE IS
TALKING
ABOUT

during the class.

We actually spent a whole class previously correcting her scripts and her logic.

Don't get me wrong she seems a sweet person and all but
HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE LIKE THAT TEACHING IN COLLEGE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE

...
What am I supposed to study for tomorrow? ;_____;
Her flawed scripts? Or correct stuff that she will possibly correct as being wrong?
AAAAAH HELP

EDIT 7/09/2014: So it's been almost two years since I posted this and I wanted to say something. The teacher I am referring to here is actually a really sweet person who taught a class which touched subjects which weren't her area of specialisation - such as Phonetics, which consist of the classes I've frequented the most. Hence that first impression. She's a syntacticist and I've skipped the syntax classes due to health issues, making me miss her shinning moment. Nowadays I know how great she is in her area and I'll have classes with her again this semester and I cannot wait!

2nd November 2012

Aaaah~ =w=

Sweet lazy life ~

Staying on a cozy and warm bed until noon ~

This is the good stuff  =w= ~

... Have to get up to pack my stuff to go back Home though.

I DON'T WANNAAAA ~ ;___________;

1st November 2012

Today it was ONE. OF. THE. SWEETEST. DAYS. EVER.

Seriously I loved it SO much, we had no idea. ALSO we took loads of pictures. I'm totally cherishing these ;______; EMOTIONAL MOMENT, GUYS, I LOVE MY LIFE SO MUCH

So first I spent the afternoon taking a stroll downtown with Barbara. She showed me some of the nicest places and recommended me some spots to visit once I have the chance. We couldn't see everything we wanted because we had to be at the subway station early in order to get on time at the mall for the movie - we went to see Skyfall @_@ and it was great!

But we saw some really beautiful places. I told her I want to go with them to the Oceanary soon as well. And that I wanted to walk down the main Avenue on Christmas time at night, because trust me; it is already really beautiful at daytime, now imagine it all decorated and iluminated on a winter night with christmas decoration. ABSOLUTELY. FLAWLESS. SCENERY. ;A; ~~~~~

Flavia ended up joining us halfway, only to go away again by the time we had to go to the mall. It was a pity, but she had a rendez-vous with her boyfriend, so we had to leave it for another day xD

When she was with us, we went down all the way until the river place! By that time, the night came and everything got lighted up and it was a really amazing view to your eyes. Old Lisbon is so precious. I want to go back there soon again.

So then we met with Mariana and Primi (Ana's nickname, I'll refer to her as Primi from now on, easier for me because that's what I call her anyway, rofl) and another girl from the residence (who I don't talk much to for now, but also seems nice!) at the mall. We went to see the movie with them and some of Mariana's friends, and then went to have dinner at a rather peculiar place. But it tasted good! (though deep inside me I had something yelling for some McFood, but shhhhh, keep it a secret ~)

And now we're back home and I'm tired but SO HAPPY. They're really precious people, these four! ;___;

Good night, everyone ~ <3

31st October 2012

BOHOHOHOHOHOH ~ RAGOOGA PEOPLE ~

Happy Halloween ~ >:3 (and happy birthday grandma! <3)

So I've only had classes for two days this week. I could have gone home yesterday evening or this morning.

BUT. I'M STAYING. GUESS WHY?

Because tomorrow I'm finally going for a walk around the capital's downtown with my two lovely freshman rommates!!

(because yes, Barbara is a non-official roomate now since our room is her room every evening, and when Flavia is not here - like on Sundays - I'm the one ending up sneaking into her room. Hard to believe I'm the same lonewolf from the beginning of the year, now I feel depressed if I spend one evening alone! Though I still am quite the anti-social and awkward person of the house. But hey! These two gave me a huge boost already! Mi casa es su casa! ~)

The weather has been crappy lately though ~  ;__; hopefully we'll have a nice one tomorrow or I'll seriously cry!!

30th October 2012

Today in the Culture class, I made a new friend through my freshman buddy, Catarina. She's called Liliana.

We didn't stop talking for the whole class. We have so much in common! Classical music taste, instrument taste (she's started piano lessons too!!!), hobbies, we talked about a real lot of stuff. She's really sweet and mature.

So we exchanged mail addresses, phone number and recommended to each other two pianists for the other to listen to until the next class. I actually knew like two or three compositions of the one she gave me - Ludovico Einaudi. I even have a couple of his tracks in my other computer! I proposed her a pianist with a gentle, uplifting and contemporanean sound to his music, Brian Crain.

But AHH! Now I need to re-read attentively what has been debated at the class because we ended up paying close to no attention to it. GUILTY! TwT ~

27th October 2012

Definitely, I've been getting along a real lot with Flavia and Barbara and that makes me seriously happy.

We've started to get into the habit of sneaking into one another's room after dinner to study together until we go to sleep, so we've gotten to know each other much more.

I know a lot more about Flavia, but that's perhaps because we actually share a room and perhaps because she's also more open about her personal life than Barbara or something? It will gradually come ^_^

Studying time! I'm so sorry for the lack of news or big or funny posts lately, but... Come on, college life is time-consuming and mentally-draining XD you have to give me a little break here! ~

25th October 2012

... I told them. It went...

Good? They look perfectly fine with it?

... I'm really not sure what to think. I mean, they're really amazing people who've made me feel really happy everyday, but... Countless were the times where I heard similiar answers then those people acted as if they thought very differently than what they initially said. And comfort/bond between us never managed to be the same as it were before. So I'm not totally relaxed for now. I'm calling it more like an experimental period.

... Hopefully they'll prove to be the people I really believe they are ;w; ~

25th October 2012

... Okay I heard something at dinnertime that made me think a real lot.

I mean, I'm sure it means nothing. I think. I don't know. NO, I'm SURE it means nothing, comming from the person who said it.

I just think it's finally time to be honest to the girls here.

At least to the ones I'm becoming good friends with, Barbara and Flavia.

And then, if they aren't okay with it...

... I'm guessing it's time to pack my luggage and seek another place to stay. Because I seriously could never stay in a place where who I am interferes with the people I care's comfort or routine. Specially in a catholic residence!

(I'm guessing almost all of you know what I'm talking about... If you don't, I'm truely sorry, message me and I'll explain it to you?)

I'm talking with Catia and Diana. We all agree that I should tell them. They argue that my private life is noone's business, but we aren't talking about strangers here, we're talking about two very nice girls who I seriously want to become good friends with. How can you become good friends with someone if you hide part of your true self? Geez, I'm starting to tear up a bit.

... Wish me luck. For real ;_;

25th October 2012

...

The test actually went REALLY great? ....... I'm so gonna fail it, how could it go so smoothly.

I'm pretty sure I'm just being paranoid, but I mean, I really thought this would be the toughest course, BUT. It might end up being the easiest one? ;_;

WELL, off to french group presentation meeting again! ~

24th October 2012

CAN'T SLEEP.

WILL HAVE FIRST EVALUATION TOMORROW.

SOMEONE HELP ME CALM DOWN.

GIVE ME SLEEPING PILLS OR SOMETHING.

*breathe iiiiiiiiin*

*breathe oooout*

...

Okay.

OFF TO MORE STUDYING!!

23rd October 2012

Today we all went to some sort of college freshmen church (the residence girls I mean, didn't see anyone from my college  freshman group, rofl).

I was the only freshman in my residence chosen to represent their school (mine's the School of Letters from Lisbon University), so I was REALLY SERIOUSLY nervous. I'm so glad all the girls that went with me helped me to calm down and guided me promptly in order not to mess up with the whole ceremony T^T ~

Also I kind of made a fool of myself in the subway, but they were all really sweet. XD

It went really smooth and at the end Barbara joined us (she couldn't be there for the ceremony but she came for dinner and the later show) and we all hung out together for the rest of the evening.

A lot of little moments through this night have made me feel even more sure of my desire to become really good friends with a lot of the girls of the residence. Well at least 4 of them. So far, the people I feel the most at ease with, and that I want to become good friends with the most, are the two sisters, my roommate Flavia, and another older med student called Ana, from Mariana's year, who helped me A LOT to feel at home in my first days at the capital. All the other girls are very cool as well, but I've connected the most with these four. Though I don't talk much with Mariana compared to the other three, I still feel a massive ammount of admiration towards her, and it's really easy to feel comfortable around her so I also included her in this group - it's just a big misfortune I haven't found any common interests yet. ._.

But let's worry not! ~

Ah, this was such a happy day ~

Lately most of the day have been such happy days ~

Hopefully the remaining days will all be such happy days ~

And now Mel is off to a happy slumber ~

Oyasuminasai! =w= ~

18th October 2012

Today I worked on a group project with my french group with two new friends. They're called Joao and Pedro and they're just. SO. Sweet with me.

Joao is a library rat, with every single letter of these words. He even works in one. He's devoured every classic, every referential oeuvre-d'art, he can tell you about almost anything you want to know that has been written in the canonical litterature. It is useless to say how motivated I feel while working with someone like him.

Pedro is also an absolutely adorable person. He's more carefree than Joao, I'd say he's more of an emotional person rather than a logical person (thus identifies more with me, haha), yet still has so many great things to say and share with everyone. Maybe a little more shy, more quiet, yet still a very amazing and caring person. Talking to him always puts a smile on your face.

I feel like I'm like their little pet or something, not in the bad way though, LOL. I mean, they always are so kind towards me and act so unselfishly, always trying to make me feel at ease and happy.

Basically, I have to say a LOT of people have been doing this ever since I'm here. Even the veterans, who always act tough in front of us freshmen, kind of have that understanding, caring attitude towards me.

... Why do I have the feeling everyone sees me as a little pet rather than a proper college girl? Do I look THAT defenseless ever since I'm here? TwT ~

tasukete dayoooo ~

(I mean, it's probably a good thing, but I don't want people later to think I've been putting a fake naivety mask when they find out I'm much more intense than what I appear for now? ... People who've known me for a long time know what I'm talking about. Behind the innocent and weak looks, I'm sort of like the one who babysits and puts most of them on the line when bad times arrise *not being on my high-horses or anything, it's the truth and most of my close friends will tell you so*; I'm not as passive as I might appear, specially not with things I care a lot with. Yet I feel like I should earn everyone's trust and show my intentions and humility before imposing a fierce position here. Aaaargh, I don't know, it's so hard to explain so I should shut up now.)

Aaaanyway, time to go downstairs for dinner! See you ~

16th October 2012

Tonight I am very very very happy.

In a normal day, I wouldn't even be up at this time because I have to get up almost everyday at 6h30AM, but at the moment I am studying downstairs with Flavia and Barbara.

The evening started with a small meeting in the chapel in order to celebrate one of the other girls' birthday. It was very pretty and a lot of things said got stuck in my mind in a very positive way.

Then we came downstairs and I made a fool of myself again showing my amazing ignorance concerning soccer. TwT ~

I learned that Mariana and Barbara practiced karate and that they also enjoy classical music. Could I adore them even more? You guys have no idea how much I want to become good friends with them, there's just so much I could happily learn from them ;w; ~

Today I also assisted to a mini pseudo-quarrel (it wasn't a quarrel at all, it was adorable anyway LOL) between these two. It only reenforced the idea that I have that they just have that kind of genuine, enviable bond that you only thought you would see in books or movies.

And now I'm making a break from studying french by keeping you guys a little up to date. That was basically it, what I wanted to say for today.

It was a simple day, but full of wonderful little moments. Everyday, I get more and more sure that I seriously want to stay here in this residence for the next college years and that I want to really befriend these wonderful little human beings. Hopefully I'll succeed in both.

Wish me luck!

Oyasuminasai ~

15th October 2012

Ever since I met these two I've come to wonder how it'd be like if I happened to have a sister in this lifetime. Not that I didn't think about this before, of course I did, but seeing their bond has brought myself to brainstorm a bit about it more than usual lately.

Being an only child and comming from a family where everyone spends the evening in front of their inidividual computer/laptop, when I arrived here (and even nowadays) I was feeling completely off-beat. Not only by the reasons I've mentioned before, but also because I was never used to communicate properly at home. That added to my awkwardness, it's a priceless combination!

Then, Barbara lent me a book (actually, we made a Murakami exchange!), and I finished it tonight. I have to say, it's heavy in referrences about being an only child, having siblings, and what-not. It's hard not to feel touched by it. If I had to be honest, I'd say the parts talking about being an only child are the parts that made the biggest impact on me in the whole book, even though it is great as a whole (well duh, it's a Murakami - I lended "After Dark" and borrowed "South of the Border, West of the Sun", by the way).

I ended up thinking a lot about whether I'd be a warmer/more open person at home if I had a sister (younger or older, it's not important at all in this situation). Or if I'd be less spoiled or whimsical. If I'd know the house chores (you're reading something typed by someone who can't even peel an apple. Or cook instant food; if only you knew the embarrassment I felt because of a SHAMEFUL attempt to prepare an instant soup today at lunch...), if I'd be more responsible. If it'd have helped with the family issues back in the years, or if I had to console my sibling and have my sibling to console me in the toughest times at home. If I'd have someone to play or someone to fight with during my childhood. If I'd have taught her many things, and learned many things from her. And if we'd have a messed up relationship or have a wonderful bond just as these two.

There are too many unanswered answers, to which I already know I'll never have an answer. So why bother asking yourself "what if?". Yet no matter how much I think it's stupid, I always end up with these issues fluctuating back to my line of thought every now and then.

Could I have been happier having a sister or a brother? Maybe. Most people would bet the answer is "yes".

Am I unhappy NOW being an only child? Absolutely not. I have been when I was little, specially since I grew up with three older sisters until the age of 5 only to be forcefully taken away from that family to go live in ANOTHER GODDAMN COUNTRY with a couple of people whom I knew were my biological parents, but actually barely knew in comparison to the family who used to take care of me everyday; but I also feel that I am proud of having gone through tough stuff without depending on anyone and maturing early; it led me to being pretty happy with the person I am nowadays.

Was it a matter of luck/misfortune? I don't know. More like it was an unavoidable fate.

Would I change that if I had a chance? I can't answer you. I don't have the answer myself. The truth is, and we can't change it, I grew up with three older sisters up until the age of five, then lived on as an only child until today. I missed them terribly and I still do, but I ended up turning just fine, didn't I?

At least I'd like to think I did. :)

15th October 2012

Today it's Irene and my godfather's birthday!!

I tried to surprise Irene in the morning but apparently she wasn't around when I could, so I'll have to end up sending her an e-mail later in the day. About my godfather, a simple text message was enough for now, since we don't have compatible schedules at college. ~

I felt very sick in the morning, but ended up going to the 8AM class anyway, I've skipped French classes way too often. So I bit a piece of lemon and strolled down the streets to go to college.

It's getting colder! I like this, October isn't supposed to be spent going in shorts and sleeveless tops at school in the morning. But now I feel much better :3

I have no idea whether it was my body getting used to taking three different pills daily out of the blue, the huge weather difference between here and Leiria, or simply the fact that I sat behind a very sick young man in the 2 hour long bus trip to Lisbon.

I have to be a tiny bit careful since I shouldn't really REALLY not keep skipping classes this semester.

11th October 2012

Please allow me to vent a bit about my personal life (and health) today.

Ever since, uh, two years ago?, I've started to have several health-related problems accumulating on a list to be taken care of. Add that to my ID and VISA problems, and we're starting off just great.

I've had massive problems due to my period (sorry guys, a little 'eww' time for you) where I get way too weak and it's way too painful to even get out of bed without crawling around (thus, I missed classes several times. The problem is that I don't even take the pill so far, because of reasons probably known to most of you);

Then I started complaining about having sight problems to see farther things, but in high school the seats weren't "come first sit first" and there weren't the massive amount of other people who have special needs that I have here in my college classes, so I could always sit in front. Besides, classrooms were obviously small compared to anphitheaters, right? Also due to being in front of computer screen since the age of 2 or 3, I started feeling the need of having them for long computer nights or even to read a book. But it was always postponed (and actually forgotten because my mom just told me she never noticed anything about my sight nor heard me complain about it... I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"), and now I start feeling in trouble because of it.

I also have a problem with a couple of my teeth. I might even have a cavity. I don't even know, it hurts sometimes and/or it's sensitive, but even though I do my best trying to wash them twice a day and use Listerine I still am not sure of anything because my parents never felt the need of taking me to the dentist not even ONCE in my friggin' life. Man, I know kids usually hate it but I actually ASKED them more than once about it, WAY before having teeth issues, and even with a probable cavity I'm still waiting for my first apointment.

Then there's the fact that I'm super weak, I have super low tension and I'm deadly pale and feel constantly tired. For a while I took vitamin suplements BY A DOCTOR'S ADVICE, and I took it for what, half a month? Then I had to stop because my mom didn't want me to get addicted to them (what...?), EVEN THOUGH I felt better while taking them and having recovered some colours on my face.

And now, let's go back to an 'eww' moment for the boys. I have been having my period for a month, and it's not just a few drops of blood. Mom says what? "Ah, it happens."; YEAH IT DOES AND I KNOW IT, I've been having it, not imagining it. I was already weak by nature but now I'm feeling dizzy very often, I am even paler (I even scare myself when I see my face and very ugly dark cicles under my eyes), thinner, weaker, and I've had to skip a class because I felt so bad during the morning that I couldn't even open my eyes decently (and felt I shouldn't take the risk after having felt really dizzy on my way to a morning class before. Faining in the middle of Lisbon streets isn't exactly the way I wanna go).

The reason why all of these got postponed so far was "money issues" or "we'll talk about that later". So far, it's been acumulating for two years. I even told them that if the money was the biggest issue we'd use my savings, I have enough to do it for heaven's sake, but... Still nothing. I mean, I understand and am thankful that they don't want me to spend my own money on it, but I don't get it if we stay still all that time. Common sense says health is more important than money/savings, right? I mean, I do think these reasons are URGENT ENOUGH to spend my savings on it.

I wonder if all these psychological changes I have felt when I moved to Lisbon (and you can read more about them in the post I made about the two sisters I've been living with) aren't also related to my physical condition getting worse. I feel really dull, blank and weak mentally as well lately.

I'm seriously worried.

I have to admit that even though they'd feel seriously hurt or angered by it, if it goes on like this I'm going to have to turn to other people who have been genuinely more worried about my condition to help me taking care of these. Because all of these have expanded to a whole new level now that my lifestyle in college is totally different.

I need glasses (at least for further sight and/or reading/the computer) and, specially, all my strenght and health in order to succeed for the next years.

Life isn't easy mode anymore.

If you have similiar issues and you're still in high school, please make sure to take care of them BEFORE you get into college. Don't make the same mistakes we've been making for all these times, seriously. It may seem too exagerated or too much of a difference, but it is NOT. IT IS that much of a stretch.

10th October 2012

It's FRIGGIN' OCTOBER and it's HOT LIKE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK.

Tonight's dinner's gonna be roasted Mel with a burnt paper fan by her side! How do you like it?

The worst is, it's really really hot but it looks like it's gonna start raining anytime. I felt a couple of drops on my way home. BUT IT NEVER ACTUALLY SERIOUSLY RAINS. Which pisses me off TwT

I've been told multiple time that furry boots, wool scarves and big comfy coats and sweatshirts aren't really a thing in Lisbon. Because winter itself isn't a thing in Lisbon. ;_;

I should go back to studying. Dinner downstairs smells REALLY good! I'm drooling ~

OKAY STUDYING TIME!

9th October 2012

WHY ARE THERE DUDES RAPPING OUT LOUD WITH AN ACCOUSTIC GUITAR OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AT THIS HOUR.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO GET UP AT 6AM, YOU KNOW.

(here's me starting to sound like an old hag complaining at the age of 18 =w=')

NOW SERIOUSLY.

SHUT.
THE.
HELL.
UP.

4th October 2012

So here's the post I promised to do for a couple of you last week. I'm so sorry because it looks messy and confusing, but even though I consider myself to be good with words, there are simply issues where this does not apply. Apparently, at the moment, this is one of these issues.

As most of you know, my number one career goal is to one day, go back to the wonderful high school I went to, back in Leiria - as a teacher. I have many, even countless, reasons for that. Reasons related to my childhood, reasons related to my passion, reasons connected with the people I met there and the ones that will be staying there until their retirement, reasons purely emotional, personal, heartfelt memories. It'd be absurd to try to dump all of it here. I trust that most of you can list a few reasons on your head if you know this goal of mine, so let's move on.

When I arrived here in this residence. I didn't know any of the girls. They all seemed very nice, but you just... Can't assume anything at first sight, right? Even now, I like them very very much, but I don't know them well enough so that I can go back to being my old self. It's very stupid, I've been told so and I KNOW SO myself very well, but it's... not up to my conscious self to decide how I act.

So I've been quiet. Awkward. I've been anti-social, I can't speak or express myself properly (lisp and muttering), I can EVEN speak most of the time (I just nod annoyingly and look like who the heck knows...), I can't think properly. I want to belong, but I don't feel I belong. I've been told I look uninterested, weak-minded, artificial and distant after moving here. And I do feel it, and I want to change that. But I just can't. For now.

ANYWAY, moving back to when I arrived. I ended up finding that one of the girls from the residence was from my high school. I had seen her before but never talked to her, but she recognized me. She and her sister are in med school so we have very few things in common. Thus, we rarely talk. I can't bring myself to initiate conversations either, not while being like this at least.

But somehow when I am near these two, I feel at home, at ease. With the youngest one, Barbara, it's like a part of the school I loved so so much was brought to remind me everyday of what I am doing here. When I feel lost and offbeat, I end up being brought back to thinking about what led me to this city. She's passionate and devoted to what she's doing, so not only her presence helps to boost my motivation, her personality also plays an important role in this. I feel like I could learn a lot with people like her. And in the middle of all of this, I hope that this little piece of my hometown that is present here may lead me to going back to my own self. The person I was back there. A full person again, and not the empty shell I feel I am at the moment. The small comfort I feel with them being around, even though we rarely talk and we don't have much connection, might just be what I need to get back in the right track.

With the oldest one, Mariana, it was something different. It was not related to my high school since it wasn't a familiar face. But something related to music. To piano, and you all know I've got this little thing for piano ever since I was very little. But never managed to grasp the courage to ask my parents fiercely about learning it because I was scared of my hearing loss. It pains me to push down one of the highest piano keys and not being able to hear the sound it produces. So I refused to play an instrument that I always adored from the bottom of my heart, but never managed to enjoy and play to its full content. And I went to dance instead of focusing on musical instruments. It went well, until I broke my foot. And now I'm back to doing nothing.

Anyway, I heard her rehearse on the piano a bit in the afternoon before the freshman welcoming party on Monday. It was simple and brief, but it was enough to make me leave the room for a while due to feeling my eyes getting watery. It's been so long since I've felt like that listening to someone play the piano. Basically, since Daisy passed away. It's been over two years already. I used to take so much pleasure in this kind of things, quietly listening to her playing, it's hard to describe. I was never able to feel that way again for a long time. It sounds silly, even for me, and I'm the silliness queen LOL. Yet I felt a bit like that again on Monday. After that day, I really want to get along with her as well. I can't explain what led me to feel that way or why I cared so much, since I've heard a lot of people play the piano in front of me before without me feeling anything similiar. Gradually, it's not only that that I got to discover. Just like her younger sister, she has that kind of charismatic mentality. The kind of people you seriously want to become genuine friends with, the kind of people you respect and cherish to absurd levels in the blink of an eye.

These two sisters, somehow reached something deep inside me. And they actually reached two very different things, which kind of amuses me. Both for their personalities and their talent, I respect and admire them a real lot. I seriously want to truely befriend them, to know more about them, to create an honest connection, a bond. I just find it really really hard to do so, for now, =w=' since I don't even act like myself lately.

Wow I should go sleep, I'm up in 6 hours from now.

Hopefully someday I'll be able to happily tell you that I've become good friends with them! But I'll have to revert to my old self first in order to be approachable again. Let's work hard! ~

3rd October 2012

SO YESTERDAY, IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT EMOTIONAL BLABLABLA, I FORGOT TO SAY THAT I CAME HOME DRENCHED IN KETCHUP, VINEGAR, RAW EGGS, DIRT, AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE.

I left a stink trail in the hallways. Our bathroom reeked vinegar. I spent more than one hour and half under freezing water in order to take off all that mess from my hair without ending up with a boiled egg on my brain.

And today it was the college baptism ceremony. I finally chosed my godfather and godmother. I was so nervous when I asked my godmother, I think I was shaking a little, because some of them downright denied the freshmen's requests. But when it was my time they accepted and were so, SO SWEET. I kinda even heard other veterans saying "so cuuuuu~ute!", so I blushed terribly. You have no idea. I could have cried like a baby there (and you know very well I cry REALLY easily), but I sucked it up and not a single tear was shed that day, LOL.

Aaaaand now it's sleep time!

I'll probably make that post about the two sisters tomorrow :3

Oyasuminasai ~

2nd October 2012

Yesterday we had a blast until late hours at the freshman welcoming party in the residence. We're three freshman girls in the residence: me, Flavia and Barbara (who went to the same highschool than I did!! Her face was familiar but I failed to understand that she was from there, I'M SO ASHAMED - and even kind of regretful for not knowing her before - because she seems to be such a sweet person too!). Though I was quiet most of the time, I had a lot of fun. I was really happy seeing how they were like a big, huge, family. I'm not used to this kind of familiar aura. I want to, though. ;w;

I love everyone, they're just so sweet.
I just feel so bad that I'm such an introvert being that probably makes everyone feel awkward TwT

Flavia is really nice and everyone likes her a lot already, including me. She has that outgoing aura that makes her and Barbara (the younger sister of another girl living here, Mariana, I still have to tell you guys about these two ~ ;w;) much more enjoyable to talk to and being around with than me. I feel really really happy for them. But I won't deny that I've become a much more quiet and weird person ever since I got here.

It's like I left a huge part of me back in Leiria. Most of which consisted in what is considered enjoyable in my persona. Being loud, carefree, selfless, outgoing, warm, being able to talk to everyone and hug everyone and make a lot of different people smile. As in, being less of the creepy anti-social wanderer that I've been acting like here.

I was so proud of who I used to be.

Who I still am, nonetheless.

I just feel like I am another person ever since I've come to Lisbon. I barely open my mouth. I look and AM lost, somehow. I've been wondering if it's because most people don't know much about me. Don't know stuff that people in Leiria have gradually learned and welcomed (and even cherished), but that could be perceived diferently in a place like this, or in a place where people don't know me well enough to not overthink these things. I'm guessing most of you know what I'm talking about. Because, hello, this is a catholic residence.

So, I'm scared; a little bit. Okay, quite a bit. I admit I teared up a bit thinking about this kind of things in the past weeks.

I really don't want to leave this place. I want to gradually get to know the girls, specially the two sisters and my roomate, become great friends with them, let them know that I'm much more than the weird castaway and ignorant person I appear to be so far. I want to feel part of this whole family too.

Let's hope the lonewolf/weakling/ignorant outside appearance will gradually wear off! ~

1st October 2012

Awwww, my roommate isn't likely to stay here ;^; I guess I'll go back to being forever alone in a couple months. Too bad, she seemed really nice. THEN AGAIN, I should be cheered up by the thought of having a  pair's room for the price of an individual one! It IS the smallest room of the whole building nonetheless. Thank god I feel okay in tight conditions (at some point I had a room of the size of some people's closets LOL).

 

Appart from that I've started working hard on what I have compiled already about some of the classes. But some stuff is just REALLY hard to read in one-go and you have to re-read it over and over to get a clue. Sometimes you still don't get a clue after it (my case exactly). I'm pretty much screwed.

ALSO I JUST FOUND OUT WE'RE HAVING A DEBATE IN ONE OF MY CLASSES ON WEDNESDAY. I'VE BEEN MISSING IT ALL UP UNTIL NOW. WHAT DO I DO. HELP. ME.

30th September 2012

SOOOO, my new roommate is here!! Her name's Flavia. >w< seems nice so far!
Let's see how it'll go from now on ~

Fun time is over D: no more skipping classes, serious business starts tomorrow at 8AM. I'm actually scared, I admit it. T_T

I'm gonna miss these days so much ;_;

So ever since arriving in Lisbon and meeting a couple of sweet people, my desire to invest in learning classical music instruments is back to going wild. It's a great chance now that I have stopped all the other activities, but the prices. THE GODDAMN PRICES, MAN.

... This will need some deep brainstorm.

...

After stopping being off-beat with the classes. Classes first or I'll end up getting my head cut off.

26th September 2012

Guys. GUYS. Have I told you already that food here is really REALLY great? Probably you already heard that from me multiple times already but I don't mind repeating it again BECAUSE IT'S SERIOUSLY REALLY GREAT! <3

Pfffffuuuh! First subway journey was a success! *YES, I'M LATE, NOT SORRY ABOUT THAT*
I kinda got worried at some point (remember this is Mrs. Ultimate-Scaredy-Cat talking here...), but everyone was sweet to me about everything, both seniors and colleagues. One new friend who was also a freshman offered herself to acompany me back to the closest station to the residence, leaving the fun behind as well! People have been absurdly kind to me around here, I'm seriously lucky ~ ;_;

I've been adoring these freshman classless days more and more. Here's me praying that it is the godfather and godmother to chose us and not the opposite, because I have NO FRIGGIN' IDEA WHO TO CHOOSE! Man, they're all really adorable people, I don't know what to do ;w; ~

I've been making some great new friends lately as well. Hopefully the contact will remain after this. It was heartwarming to see that some of our veterans found their soul-mate or best-friend during these days back in their freshman times. There was one of them who also spoke really good french and initially was supposed to accompany me home instead of the girl who ended up going, but since he ended up stoned and kinda drunk, we thought it would be safer for him to stay there and enjoy the night in the company of older people and friends.

Anyway, can't wait for tomorrow!

25th September 2012

SOOO. Guess who got soaked to the bone for singing from the bottom of her lungs for over three hours, one of which was spent under the friggin' rain. Good thing our seniors are just the greatest.

Tomorrow there's a huge college party. Having a tough time making a deal with my parents TwT I'm not a drinking person (I can hear the older blog readers laughing at this... I WAS, not anymore, okay? ._.) and I'm a scaredy cat who's deadly nervous about pulling an all-nighter in the middle of FRIGGIN' LISBON STREETS, BUT -- I mean, it's a really important event. So I tried to suck up my fears and being consoled by the fact that we're going to be accompanied by our seniors and not allowed to wander alone (and we're what, like, 50 people?), etc etc.; too bad my parents don't share the same thought.

I'll try to find a way to come back for the night, in order to spend a little time with them too. Balancing things, blablabla. Wish me luck!

24th September 2012

Everyone taking care of serious college business and I'm here giggling over LOLcats.

Traumas and nervousness about this and that class don't get me rid of my procrastination that much =w='

Aaaand, back to LOLcats! ~

24th September 2012

I'm back from the weekend!! Also rain rain RAIN. Instant mood boost!

Today my backs feel a lot better so I went to classes anyway. French was interesting, but I left the Literature class feeling mentally drained and even slightly traumatized. It was SCARY. I didn't understand batshit of it and the teacher, though she seems nice, was really scary when she mentioned hating college initiation rituals.

My seniors are absolutely amazing, nonetheless! Kind of makes me want to skip the next week of classes and decently participate in the rituals, rather than being mortified and killed little by little by that kind of classes again.

OKAY so I learned a valuable lesson: NO MATTER how much your French teacher actually looks disappointed for first graders not skipping her class in order to have fun out there, NEVER assume other teachers even remotely feel okay about it. My Literature teacher CLEARLY DOES NOT. It's my fault for opening my mouth, though TwT  ~

BUT SERIOUSLY THAT CLASS IS LEGITLY SCARY. I left knowing even less than I did before entering. Having to skip further classes and knowing I've made the teacher dislike me doesn't help at all either. WHAT DO I DO ;____;

I have so much to take care of this week TwT ~ but people keep telling me to have fun and "turn the brain off" for a couple of weeks in order to properly enjoy these moments because they won't ever happen again ~

TOUGH COLLEGE LIFE, MAN. TOUGH CHOICES.

21st September 2012

So many kitties that I can see from my window. Right now I can see three of them.

There wasn't one day I didn't see at least a couple of them.

They hang around the windows or backyards of other people, or worse, in top of roofs and unreachable places, so I can't go there and pet them. Only the ones at the front of the building or the outer stairways.

I found one there today actually, but it was scared of my bag. It took a while for me to get close to it.

Also, I was told there is a cat lover woman living in these houses somewhere and she feeds all the stray cats around here. I should really go and meet her! Perhaps I'll have access to more cats.

21st September 2012

I can clearly hear a cello playing outside from my window.

Probably from another window of the mountain of houses I see from here. It's not from far enough for it to come from any of the skyscappers or tall buildings from further (which make one heck of a scenery at night!) Maybe it's from the streets in the middle of the houses? Or from a backyard?

ANYWAY I LIKE IT VERY MUCH, PLEASE DON'T STOP, CELLO LISTENER/PLAYER.

I wanna learn how to play cello.

Aaaaaah, Lisbon center neighborhoods. It's truely something that looks like comming from a book. Classical instruments playing, cats lazying around in big street stairways at the shadow of trees, tons and tons and tons of small coffee places, the sound of the highway echoes at night if you leave your window open (though you have to get used to big noisy planes first if you wanna do that, lmao). Lots of dog poop in the sidewalk, though. Can't have everything perfect.

Currently ravening with Claudia over the capital and making plans for a nice afternoon in a little coffee place, surrounded by cats and stairways, accompanied by two bitterly black coffee mugs and tons of custard pastry. LISBON, GUYS.

I think I'm gonna like living here for the next 7 years.

20th September 2012

I went to take an X Ray. Butt is not broken. Just hurt. Literal butthurt, guys.

... no laugh? Aw.

SO BASICALLY I've been spending these days procrastinating to the fullest. Well OKAY, it was PRODUCTIVE procrastination. You know, cleaning and organizing your AKB48 files, memorizing the lyrics of UZA (TAKAMINA'S HAIR, DUDE. TAKAMINA'S. HAIR. LEGIT STUFF), having a multi-chat in the name of good ol' times with fandom buddies and bawling/shrieking at cute idols. A very productive day indeed.

... God I shouldn't be getting used to this. COLLEGE ALREADY STARTED.

.... MAAAAN, I'M IN COLLEGE. I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT. LIVING IN LISBON. HOW. DID. THAT. HAPPEN. When did I grow up from being a 14 years old whimsical little brat?

(who said I'm not a whimsical little brat anymore?)

20th September 2012

Though I know I've complained about the planes before, I have to say they're quite the impressive thing... I think my mom would freak out living in this room where planes look like they're about to boop your nose (she's really REALLY scared of planes).

I have yet to take a picture of them and upload it here. Not now, since my mobile phone is going HURR DURR DURR, my digital camera lens are stuck due to sand from the beach and I've yet to take them to get fixed, and my laptop... Well sorry but no, I won't take a print screen of planes going happy-go-lucky with my laptop on my window, rofl.

19th September 2012

YES I KNOW. Some computers mess with the HTML positioning. Heck, even my laptop sees everything here messed up. I can't do anything, I'm no HTML pro, I just know that in some resolutions it looks perfect, and then in others it looks... A mess. Out of place. OKAY. NEXT ISSUE. (it's not like you can't read it, guys... It just looks less pretty. I'll ask for help about it when I GET LESS LAZY)

SOOO, a lot of you know that I fell on the stairs Monday evening, landing a massive butt fall, thus me having to miss the first friggin' week of classes. How awesome is that. Man, college starts just great. TwT ~

So now I'm sitting with my butt on a couple of pillows ON THE FLOOR with my laptop and notebooks on the bed. After a handful of hilarious LAME position attempts around the room (bed, desk, chair, yadayadayada), I figured this would be the most painless one - it's still annoying and one of my legs is asleep though ._.'

Nights are the greatest. Not only I'm still not used to planes flying right above my head as if they were about to crash in our building, now I have to deal with finding the ONE position in the middle of 237846238642873642734 painful ones in order to fall asleep. And every night it seems that ONE position changes. So I have to try my luck again. When I figure out which one works, ends up the sun is already rising high in the sky - so yeah, basically I sleep until noon.

Roommate is still nowhere to be seen. You can see her empty bed behind me. I heard she's only comming in the last days of September or beginning of October. I can use the room freely and do whatever I damn please, yes, but it's still somewhat lonely ;_; everyone is so great here, but I feel kind of outcast since they know each other and have formed groups and I'm here like "heeeeeeeey *awkward face*, I have no idea what you guys are talking about but here's a huge smile with all the teeth of the world since I'm the epitome of socially-awkward people". But now seriously, they're really sweet girls! I got a real lucky landing here. Hopefully I'll get over my shyness and awkwardness soon.

SO, I thought I should use this free week to do something else than just, you know, get up at noon, grab a book or procrastinating over the laptop, the usual. And decided it's finally time to move on with brushing my japanese skills. So now, my brand new college class notebook is full of kanji and japanese scribbling every here and there.

I'm bored and feel a little lonely, which consequently leads me to feel like I'm not being my usual self ever since I'm here. I look so anti-social! Also, due to my backs, I can't even go for a stroll in order to explore the city a little bit more. I actually feel like I'm wasting a REALLY important piece of time, though people say teachers won't give too much lectures for now. Heck, how I am supposed to believe that when my first class ever (first hour of the first day of college, 8AM on Monday) was full of information and this and that and OH GOD PLEASE HEAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR I'M GOING TO DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY. ;_____; I'm not THAT introverted. I get depressed easily without going out of my room. Also roommate, please come soon ~ and be a nice person ~ XDD ...