31st October 2012

BOHOHOHOHOHOH ~ RAGOOGA PEOPLE ~

Happy Halloween ~ >:3 (and happy birthday grandma! <3)

So I've only had classes for two days this week. I could have gone home yesterday evening or this morning.

BUT. I'M STAYING. GUESS WHY?

Because tomorrow I'm finally going for a walk around the capital's downtown with my two lovely freshman rommates!!

(because yes, Barbara is a non-official roomate now since our room is her room every evening, and when Flavia is not here - like on Sundays - I'm the one ending up sneaking into her room. Hard to believe I'm the same lonewolf from the beginning of the year, now I feel depressed if I spend one evening alone! Though I still am quite the anti-social and awkward person of the house. But hey! These two gave me a huge boost already! Mi casa es su casa! ~)

The weather has been crappy lately though ~  ;__; hopefully we'll have a nice one tomorrow or I'll seriously cry!!

30th October 2012

Today in the Culture class, I made a new friend through my freshman buddy, Catarina. She's called Liliana.

We didn't stop talking for the whole class. We have so much in common! Classical music taste, instrument taste (she's started piano lessons too!!!), hobbies, we talked about a real lot of stuff. She's really sweet and mature.

So we exchanged mail addresses, phone number and recommended to each other two pianists for the other to listen to until the next class. I actually knew like two or three compositions of the one she gave me - Ludovico Einaudi. I even have a couple of his tracks in my other computer! I proposed her a pianist with a gentle, uplifting and contemporanean sound to his music, Brian Crain.

But AHH! Now I need to re-read attentively what has been debated at the class because we ended up paying close to no attention to it. GUILTY! TwT ~

27th October 2012

Definitely, I've been getting along a real lot with Flavia and Barbara and that makes me seriously happy.

We've started to get into the habit of sneaking into one another's room after dinner to study together until we go to sleep, so we've gotten to know each other much more.

I know a lot more about Flavia, but that's perhaps because we actually share a room and perhaps because she's also more open about her personal life than Barbara or something? It will gradually come ^_^

Studying time! I'm so sorry for the lack of news or big or funny posts lately, but... Come on, college life is time-consuming and mentally-draining XD you have to give me a little break here! ~

25th October 2012

... I told them. It went...

Good? They look perfectly fine with it?

... I'm really not sure what to think. I mean, they're really amazing people who've made me feel really happy everyday, but... Countless were the times where I heard similiar answers then those people acted as if they thought very differently than what they initially said. And comfort/bond between us never managed to be the same as it were before. So I'm not totally relaxed for now. I'm calling it more like an experimental period.

... Hopefully they'll prove to be the people I really believe they are ;w; ~

25th October 2012

... Okay I heard something at dinnertime that made me think a real lot.

I mean, I'm sure it means nothing. I think. I don't know. NO, I'm SURE it means nothing, comming from the person who said it.

I just think it's finally time to be honest to the girls here.

At least to the ones I'm becoming good friends with, Barbara and Flavia.

And then, if they aren't okay with it...

... I'm guessing it's time to pack my luggage and seek another place to stay. Because I seriously could never stay in a place where who I am interferes with the people I care's comfort or routine. Specially in a catholic residence!

(I'm guessing almost all of you know what I'm talking about... If you don't, I'm truely sorry, message me and I'll explain it to you?)

I'm talking with Catia and Diana. We all agree that I should tell them. They argue that my private life is noone's business, but we aren't talking about strangers here, we're talking about two very nice girls who I seriously want to become good friends with. How can you become good friends with someone if you hide part of your true self? Geez, I'm starting to tear up a bit.

... Wish me luck. For real ;_;

25th October 2012

...

The test actually went REALLY great? ....... I'm so gonna fail it, how could it go so smoothly.

I'm pretty sure I'm just being paranoid, but I mean, I really thought this would be the toughest course, BUT. It might end up being the easiest one? ;_;

WELL, off to french group presentation meeting again! ~

24th October 2012

CAN'T SLEEP.

WILL HAVE FIRST EVALUATION TOMORROW.

SOMEONE HELP ME CALM DOWN.

GIVE ME SLEEPING PILLS OR SOMETHING.

*breathe iiiiiiiiin*

*breathe oooout*

...

Okay.

OFF TO MORE STUDYING!!

23rd October 2012

Today we all went to some sort of college freshmen church (the residence girls I mean, didn't see anyone from my college  freshman group, rofl).

I was the only freshman in my residence chosen to represent their school (mine's the School of Letters from Lisbon University), so I was REALLY SERIOUSLY nervous. I'm so glad all the girls that went with me helped me to calm down and guided me promptly in order not to mess up with the whole ceremony T^T ~

Also I kind of made a fool of myself in the subway, but they were all really sweet. XD

It went really smooth and at the end Barbara joined us (she couldn't be there for the ceremony but she came for dinner and the later show) and we all hung out together for the rest of the evening.

A lot of little moments through this night have made me feel even more sure of my desire to become really good friends with a lot of the girls of the residence. Well at least 4 of them. So far, the people I feel the most at ease with, and that I want to become good friends with the most, are the two sisters, my roommate Flavia, and another older med student called Ana, from Mariana's year, who helped me A LOT to feel at home in my first days at the capital. All the other girls are very cool as well, but I've connected the most with these four. Though I don't talk much with Mariana compared to the other three, I still feel a massive ammount of admiration towards her, and it's really easy to feel comfortable around her so I also included her in this group - it's just a big misfortune I haven't found any common interests yet. ._.

But let's worry not! ~

Ah, this was such a happy day ~

Lately most of the day have been such happy days ~

Hopefully the remaining days will all be such happy days ~

And now Mel is off to a happy slumber ~

Oyasuminasai! =w= ~

18th October 2012

Today I worked on a group project with my french group with two new friends. They're called Joao and Pedro and they're just. SO. Sweet with me.

Joao is a library rat, with every single letter of these words. He even works in one. He's devoured every classic, every referential oeuvre-d'art, he can tell you about almost anything you want to know that has been written in the canonical litterature. It is useless to say how motivated I feel while working with someone like him.

Pedro is also an absolutely adorable person. He's more carefree than Joao, I'd say he's more of an emotional person rather than a logical person (thus identifies more with me, haha), yet still has so many great things to say and share with everyone. Maybe a little more shy, more quiet, yet still a very amazing and caring person. Talking to him always puts a smile on your face.

I feel like I'm like their little pet or something, not in the bad way though, LOL. I mean, they always are so kind towards me and act so unselfishly, always trying to make me feel at ease and happy.

Basically, I have to say a LOT of people have been doing this ever since I'm here. Even the veterans, who always act tough in front of us freshmen, kind of have that understanding, caring attitude towards me.

... Why do I have the feeling everyone sees me as a little pet rather than a proper college girl? Do I look THAT defenseless ever since I'm here? TwT ~

tasukete dayoooo ~

(I mean, it's probably a good thing, but I don't want people later to think I've been putting a fake naivety mask when they find out I'm much more intense than what I appear for now? ... People who've known me for a long time know what I'm talking about. Behind the innocent and weak looks, I'm sort of like the one who babysits and puts most of them on the line when bad times arrise *not being on my high-horses or anything, it's the truth and most of my close friends will tell you so*; I'm not as passive as I might appear, specially not with things I care a lot with. Yet I feel like I should earn everyone's trust and show my intentions and humility before imposing a fierce position here. Aaaargh, I don't know, it's so hard to explain so I should shut up now.)

Aaaanyway, time to go downstairs for dinner! See you ~

16th October 2012

Tonight I am very very very happy.

In a normal day, I wouldn't even be up at this time because I have to get up almost everyday at 6h30AM, but at the moment I am studying downstairs with Flavia and Barbara.

The evening started with a small meeting in the chapel in order to celebrate one of the other girls' birthday. It was very pretty and a lot of things said got stuck in my mind in a very positive way.

Then we came downstairs and I made a fool of myself again showing my amazing ignorance concerning soccer. TwT ~

I learned that Mariana and Barbara practiced karate and that they also enjoy classical music. Could I adore them even more? You guys have no idea how much I want to become good friends with them, there's just so much I could happily learn from them ;w; ~

Today I also assisted to a mini pseudo-quarrel (it wasn't a quarrel at all, it was adorable anyway LOL) between these two. It only reenforced the idea that I have that they just have that kind of genuine, enviable bond that you only thought you would see in books or movies.

And now I'm making a break from studying french by keeping you guys a little up to date. That was basically it, what I wanted to say for today.

It was a simple day, but full of wonderful little moments. Everyday, I get more and more sure that I seriously want to stay here in this residence for the next college years and that I want to really befriend these wonderful little human beings. Hopefully I'll succeed in both.

Wish me luck!

Oyasuminasai ~

15th October 2012

Ever since I met these two I've come to wonder how it'd be like if I happened to have a sister in this lifetime. Not that I didn't think about this before, of course I did, but seeing their bond has brought myself to brainstorm a bit about it more than usual lately.

Being an only child and comming from a family where everyone spends the evening in front of their inidividual computer/laptop, when I arrived here (and even nowadays) I was feeling completely off-beat. Not only by the reasons I've mentioned before, but also because I was never used to communicate properly at home. That added to my awkwardness, it's a priceless combination!

Then, Barbara lent me a book (actually, we made a Murakami exchange!), and I finished it tonight. I have to say, it's heavy in referrences about being an only child, having siblings, and what-not. It's hard not to feel touched by it. If I had to be honest, I'd say the parts talking about being an only child are the parts that made the biggest impact on me in the whole book, even though it is great as a whole (well duh, it's a Murakami - I lended "After Dark" and borrowed "South of the Border, West of the Sun", by the way).

I ended up thinking a lot about whether I'd be a warmer/more open person at home if I had a sister (younger or older, it's not important at all in this situation). Or if I'd be less spoiled or whimsical. If I'd know the house chores (you're reading something typed by someone who can't even peel an apple. Or cook instant food; if only you knew the embarrassment I felt because of a SHAMEFUL attempt to prepare an instant soup today at lunch...), if I'd be more responsible. If it'd have helped with the family issues back in the years, or if I had to console my sibling and have my sibling to console me in the toughest times at home. If I'd have someone to play or someone to fight with during my childhood. If I'd have taught her many things, and learned many things from her. And if we'd have a messed up relationship or have a wonderful bond just as these two.

There are too many unanswered answers, to which I already know I'll never have an answer. So why bother asking yourself "what if?". Yet no matter how much I think it's stupid, I always end up with these issues fluctuating back to my line of thought every now and then.

Could I have been happier having a sister or a brother? Maybe. Most people would bet the answer is "yes".

Am I unhappy NOW being an only child? Absolutely not. I have been when I was little, specially since I grew up with three older sisters until the age of 5 only to be forcefully taken away from that family to go live in ANOTHER GODDAMN COUNTRY with a couple of people whom I knew were my biological parents, but actually barely knew in comparison to the family who used to take care of me everyday; but I also feel that I am proud of having gone through tough stuff without depending on anyone and maturing early; it led me to being pretty happy with the person I am nowadays.

Was it a matter of luck/misfortune? I don't know. More like it was an unavoidable fate.

Would I change that if I had a chance? I can't answer you. I don't have the answer myself. The truth is, and we can't change it, I grew up with three older sisters up until the age of five, then lived on as an only child until today. I missed them terribly and I still do, but I ended up turning just fine, didn't I?

At least I'd like to think I did. :)

15th October 2012

Today it's Irene and my godfather's birthday!!

I tried to surprise Irene in the morning but apparently she wasn't around when I could, so I'll have to end up sending her an e-mail later in the day. About my godfather, a simple text message was enough for now, since we don't have compatible schedules at college. ~

I felt very sick in the morning, but ended up going to the 8AM class anyway, I've skipped French classes way too often. So I bit a piece of lemon and strolled down the streets to go to college.

It's getting colder! I like this, October isn't supposed to be spent going in shorts and sleeveless tops at school in the morning. But now I feel much better :3

I have no idea whether it was my body getting used to taking three different pills daily out of the blue, the huge weather difference between here and Leiria, or simply the fact that I sat behind a very sick young man in the 2 hour long bus trip to Lisbon.

I have to be a tiny bit careful since I shouldn't really REALLY not keep skipping classes this semester.

11th October 2012

Please allow me to vent a bit about my personal life (and health) today.

Ever since, uh, two years ago?, I've started to have several health-related problems accumulating on a list to be taken care of. Add that to my ID and VISA problems, and we're starting off just great.

I've had massive problems due to my period (sorry guys, a little 'eww' time for you) where I get way too weak and it's way too painful to even get out of bed without crawling around (thus, I missed classes several times. The problem is that I don't even take the pill so far, because of reasons probably known to most of you);

Then I started complaining about having sight problems to see farther things, but in high school the seats weren't "come first sit first" and there weren't the massive amount of other people who have special needs that I have here in my college classes, so I could always sit in front. Besides, classrooms were obviously small compared to anphitheaters, right? Also due to being in front of computer screen since the age of 2 or 3, I started feeling the need of having them for long computer nights or even to read a book. But it was always postponed (and actually forgotten because my mom just told me she never noticed anything about my sight nor heard me complain about it... I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"), and now I start feeling in trouble because of it.

I also have a problem with a couple of my teeth. I might even have a cavity. I don't even know, it hurts sometimes and/or it's sensitive, but even though I do my best trying to wash them twice a day and use Listerine I still am not sure of anything because my parents never felt the need of taking me to the dentist not even ONCE in my friggin' life. Man, I know kids usually hate it but I actually ASKED them more than once about it, WAY before having teeth issues, and even with a probable cavity I'm still waiting for my first apointment.

Then there's the fact that I'm super weak, I have super low tension and I'm deadly pale and feel constantly tired. For a while I took vitamin suplements BY A DOCTOR'S ADVICE, and I took it for what, half a month? Then I had to stop because my mom didn't want me to get addicted to them (what...?), EVEN THOUGH I felt better while taking them and having recovered some colours on my face.

And now, let's go back to an 'eww' moment for the boys. I have been having my period for a month, and it's not just a few drops of blood. Mom says what? "Ah, it happens."; YEAH IT DOES AND I KNOW IT, I've been having it, not imagining it. I was already weak by nature but now I'm feeling dizzy very often, I am even paler (I even scare myself when I see my face and very ugly dark cicles under my eyes), thinner, weaker, and I've had to skip a class because I felt so bad during the morning that I couldn't even open my eyes decently (and felt I shouldn't take the risk after having felt really dizzy on my way to a morning class before. Faining in the middle of Lisbon streets isn't exactly the way I wanna go).

The reason why all of these got postponed so far was "money issues" or "we'll talk about that later". So far, it's been acumulating for two years. I even told them that if the money was the biggest issue we'd use my savings, I have enough to do it for heaven's sake, but... Still nothing. I mean, I understand and am thankful that they don't want me to spend my own money on it, but I don't get it if we stay still all that time. Common sense says health is more important than money/savings, right? I mean, I do think these reasons are URGENT ENOUGH to spend my savings on it.

I wonder if all these psychological changes I have felt when I moved to Lisbon (and you can read more about them in the post I made about the two sisters I've been living with) aren't also related to my physical condition getting worse. I feel really dull, blank and weak mentally as well lately.

I'm seriously worried.

I have to admit that even though they'd feel seriously hurt or angered by it, if it goes on like this I'm going to have to turn to other people who have been genuinely more worried about my condition to help me taking care of these. Because all of these have expanded to a whole new level now that my lifestyle in college is totally different.

I need glasses (at least for further sight and/or reading/the computer) and, specially, all my strenght and health in order to succeed for the next years.

Life isn't easy mode anymore.

If you have similiar issues and you're still in high school, please make sure to take care of them BEFORE you get into college. Don't make the same mistakes we've been making for all these times, seriously. It may seem too exagerated or too much of a difference, but it is NOT. IT IS that much of a stretch.

10th October 2012

It's FRIGGIN' OCTOBER and it's HOT LIKE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK.

Tonight's dinner's gonna be roasted Mel with a burnt paper fan by her side! How do you like it?

The worst is, it's really really hot but it looks like it's gonna start raining anytime. I felt a couple of drops on my way home. BUT IT NEVER ACTUALLY SERIOUSLY RAINS. Which pisses me off TwT

I've been told multiple time that furry boots, wool scarves and big comfy coats and sweatshirts aren't really a thing in Lisbon. Because winter itself isn't a thing in Lisbon. ;_;

I should go back to studying. Dinner downstairs smells REALLY good! I'm drooling ~

OKAY STUDYING TIME!

9th October 2012

WHY ARE THERE DUDES RAPPING OUT LOUD WITH AN ACCOUSTIC GUITAR OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AT THIS HOUR.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO GET UP AT 6AM, YOU KNOW.

(here's me starting to sound like an old hag complaining at the age of 18 =w=')

NOW SERIOUSLY.

SHUT.
THE.
HELL.
UP.

4th October 2012

So here's the post I promised to do for a couple of you last week. I'm so sorry because it looks messy and confusing, but even though I consider myself to be good with words, there are simply issues where this does not apply. Apparently, at the moment, this is one of these issues.

As most of you know, my number one career goal is to one day, go back to the wonderful high school I went to, back in Leiria - as a teacher. I have many, even countless, reasons for that. Reasons related to my childhood, reasons related to my passion, reasons connected with the people I met there and the ones that will be staying there until their retirement, reasons purely emotional, personal, heartfelt memories. It'd be absurd to try to dump all of it here. I trust that most of you can list a few reasons on your head if you know this goal of mine, so let's move on.

When I arrived here in this residence. I didn't know any of the girls. They all seemed very nice, but you just... Can't assume anything at first sight, right? Even now, I like them very very much, but I don't know them well enough so that I can go back to being my old self. It's very stupid, I've been told so and I KNOW SO myself very well, but it's... not up to my conscious self to decide how I act.

So I've been quiet. Awkward. I've been anti-social, I can't speak or express myself properly (lisp and muttering), I can EVEN speak most of the time (I just nod annoyingly and look like who the heck knows...), I can't think properly. I want to belong, but I don't feel I belong. I've been told I look uninterested, weak-minded, artificial and distant after moving here. And I do feel it, and I want to change that. But I just can't. For now.

ANYWAY, moving back to when I arrived. I ended up finding that one of the girls from the residence was from my high school. I had seen her before but never talked to her, but she recognized me. She and her sister are in med school so we have very few things in common. Thus, we rarely talk. I can't bring myself to initiate conversations either, not while being like this at least.

But somehow when I am near these two, I feel at home, at ease. With the youngest one, Barbara, it's like a part of the school I loved so so much was brought to remind me everyday of what I am doing here. When I feel lost and offbeat, I end up being brought back to thinking about what led me to this city. She's passionate and devoted to what she's doing, so not only her presence helps to boost my motivation, her personality also plays an important role in this. I feel like I could learn a lot with people like her. And in the middle of all of this, I hope that this little piece of my hometown that is present here may lead me to going back to my own self. The person I was back there. A full person again, and not the empty shell I feel I am at the moment. The small comfort I feel with them being around, even though we rarely talk and we don't have much connection, might just be what I need to get back in the right track.

With the oldest one, Mariana, it was something different. It was not related to my high school since it wasn't a familiar face. But something related to music. To piano, and you all know I've got this little thing for piano ever since I was very little. But never managed to grasp the courage to ask my parents fiercely about learning it because I was scared of my hearing loss. It pains me to push down one of the highest piano keys and not being able to hear the sound it produces. So I refused to play an instrument that I always adored from the bottom of my heart, but never managed to enjoy and play to its full content. And I went to dance instead of focusing on musical instruments. It went well, until I broke my foot. And now I'm back to doing nothing.

Anyway, I heard her rehearse on the piano a bit in the afternoon before the freshman welcoming party on Monday. It was simple and brief, but it was enough to make me leave the room for a while due to feeling my eyes getting watery. It's been so long since I've felt like that listening to someone play the piano. Basically, since Daisy passed away. It's been over two years already. I used to take so much pleasure in this kind of things, quietly listening to her playing, it's hard to describe. I was never able to feel that way again for a long time. It sounds silly, even for me, and I'm the silliness queen LOL. Yet I felt a bit like that again on Monday. After that day, I really want to get along with her as well. I can't explain what led me to feel that way or why I cared so much, since I've heard a lot of people play the piano in front of me before without me feeling anything similiar. Gradually, it's not only that that I got to discover. Just like her younger sister, she has that kind of charismatic mentality. The kind of people you seriously want to become genuine friends with, the kind of people you respect and cherish to absurd levels in the blink of an eye.

These two sisters, somehow reached something deep inside me. And they actually reached two very different things, which kind of amuses me. Both for their personalities and their talent, I respect and admire them a real lot. I seriously want to truely befriend them, to know more about them, to create an honest connection, a bond. I just find it really really hard to do so, for now, =w=' since I don't even act like myself lately.

Wow I should go sleep, I'm up in 6 hours from now.

Hopefully someday I'll be able to happily tell you that I've become good friends with them! But I'll have to revert to my old self first in order to be approachable again. Let's work hard! ~

3rd October 2012

SO YESTERDAY, IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT EMOTIONAL BLABLABLA, I FORGOT TO SAY THAT I CAME HOME DRENCHED IN KETCHUP, VINEGAR, RAW EGGS, DIRT, AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE.

I left a stink trail in the hallways. Our bathroom reeked vinegar. I spent more than one hour and half under freezing water in order to take off all that mess from my hair without ending up with a boiled egg on my brain.

And today it was the college baptism ceremony. I finally chosed my godfather and godmother. I was so nervous when I asked my godmother, I think I was shaking a little, because some of them downright denied the freshmen's requests. But when it was my time they accepted and were so, SO SWEET. I kinda even heard other veterans saying "so cuuuuu~ute!", so I blushed terribly. You have no idea. I could have cried like a baby there (and you know very well I cry REALLY easily), but I sucked it up and not a single tear was shed that day, LOL.

Aaaaand now it's sleep time!

I'll probably make that post about the two sisters tomorrow :3

Oyasuminasai ~

2nd October 2012

Yesterday we had a blast until late hours at the freshman welcoming party in the residence. We're three freshman girls in the residence: me, Flavia and Barbara (who went to the same highschool than I did!! Her face was familiar but I failed to understand that she was from there, I'M SO ASHAMED - and even kind of regretful for not knowing her before - because she seems to be such a sweet person too!). Though I was quiet most of the time, I had a lot of fun. I was really happy seeing how they were like a big, huge, family. I'm not used to this kind of familiar aura. I want to, though. ;w;

I love everyone, they're just so sweet.
I just feel so bad that I'm such an introvert being that probably makes everyone feel awkward TwT

Flavia is really nice and everyone likes her a lot already, including me. She has that outgoing aura that makes her and Barbara (the younger sister of another girl living here, Mariana, I still have to tell you guys about these two ~ ;w;) much more enjoyable to talk to and being around with than me. I feel really really happy for them. But I won't deny that I've become a much more quiet and weird person ever since I got here.

It's like I left a huge part of me back in Leiria. Most of which consisted in what is considered enjoyable in my persona. Being loud, carefree, selfless, outgoing, warm, being able to talk to everyone and hug everyone and make a lot of different people smile. As in, being less of the creepy anti-social wanderer that I've been acting like here.

I was so proud of who I used to be.

Who I still am, nonetheless.

I just feel like I am another person ever since I've come to Lisbon. I barely open my mouth. I look and AM lost, somehow. I've been wondering if it's because most people don't know much about me. Don't know stuff that people in Leiria have gradually learned and welcomed (and even cherished), but that could be perceived diferently in a place like this, or in a place where people don't know me well enough to not overthink these things. I'm guessing most of you know what I'm talking about. Because, hello, this is a catholic residence.

So, I'm scared; a little bit. Okay, quite a bit. I admit I teared up a bit thinking about this kind of things in the past weeks.

I really don't want to leave this place. I want to gradually get to know the girls, specially the two sisters and my roomate, become great friends with them, let them know that I'm much more than the weird castaway and ignorant person I appear to be so far. I want to feel part of this whole family too.

Let's hope the lonewolf/weakling/ignorant outside appearance will gradually wear off! ~

1st October 2012

Awwww, my roommate isn't likely to stay here ;^; I guess I'll go back to being forever alone in a couple months. Too bad, she seemed really nice. THEN AGAIN, I should be cheered up by the thought of having a  pair's room for the price of an individual one! It IS the smallest room of the whole building nonetheless. Thank god I feel okay in tight conditions (at some point I had a room of the size of some people's closets LOL).

 

Appart from that I've started working hard on what I have compiled already about some of the classes. But some stuff is just REALLY hard to read in one-go and you have to re-read it over and over to get a clue. Sometimes you still don't get a clue after it (my case exactly). I'm pretty much screwed.

ALSO I JUST FOUND OUT WE'RE HAVING A DEBATE IN ONE OF MY CLASSES ON WEDNESDAY. I'VE BEEN MISSING IT ALL UP UNTIL NOW. WHAT DO I DO. HELP. ME.